That sums up how I am feeling toward God right now. My friend Emmett (he was our percussionist at Winthrop and now lives in Nashville) is going to die, probably this week. He has been battling cancer since Feb. 2010 and was given 12-18 months. He fought hard. Really, really hard. You can read more about his story and the faithfulness of he and his wife at http://teamemmett.com/. Amazing faith in this family.
A couple that I know from my mission trip to Ecuador was finally able to conceive a child. They found out at 20 weeks that the baby did not have any kidneys. The baby was born last week and died after just two hours. You can read some wonderful thoughts written by the photographer here http://worleyarts.com/2011/06/story-of-gratitude/
I am angry that there is so much pain and heart ache in the world. I want to question God as to why these faithful people have to go through this. I know the Sunday school answer: it rains on the just and unjust, so He will be glorified, etc. But I still don't understand. The sermons at church the past few weeks have been on death and afterlife and the importance of the resurrection. But still I don't understand.
And I am ashamed at my feelings. So much pain.
And I am scared. Will I have to face the same kind of pain? If so, could I be as gracious and faithful? No. I know that answer. No.
If you are reading this then you must know us and care for us. Thank you for caring. Please know that we care for you too and are glad that you are in our lives.
Don't feel ashamed. We all feel like that at some point in our lives. We will never completely understand why these things happen to certain people or at all. I don't think we're supposed to. If we were, we'd be God. He's the only one that truly knows.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I am so sorry about your friend Emmett and the couple that lost their precious baby. And I'm sorry for the pain it's causing you too. I don't think that God expects us to shrug off these things. He made us to feel. I think he is pleased when we can feel what we feel, and in the midst of it say "Lord, I don't understand, but I believe that you are sovereign and just and holy and good."
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