Two Posts in One Day

I was in bed trying to sleep but decided to get up and write.  This post isn't so much a journal of the kids but more just a journal for me.

Like many women, I deal with contentment issues.  I thought I was doing pretty well in the fall.  I had finally decided to call Georgia home and give up illusions of moving to Nashville or somewhere closer to home and where snow falls a little more frequently than here.  I was even becoming content with where we live.  But ever since Christmas I have allowed the sin of discontent to start seeping into my daily life. 

Lately it has been manifesting itself in wanting a new kitchen. 

I have looked at websites on kitchen design and check craigslist every day for deals.  I have found several companies that I think we could afford.  However, since our house has lost value the past two years due to poor house sales around us, we certainly don't need to sink a ton of money into remodeling. 

Tonight I started thinking about trying to get some summer work at dance camps to save enough money to pay for the new kitchen I want.  Then I started thinking about my children and how I would be away from them.

I love my children.  I love working.  I feel such a pull to do both and do both well.  I love how much Ruth talks and how her pronunication is getting so much better and how I can have full conversations with her.  I love how Grayson smiles with his eyes and his little laughter.  It makes me sad to see Grayson losing his baby features.  He seems to have grown this week.  How much of that would I miss if I worked full time? 

I love working.  I love teaching dance and dance theory courses.  I want to teach more.  My dream job is to be in charge and develop a dance program at a small college (or at Arkansas).  The funny thing is I was given this job right out of grad school at a small school in Missouri.  But because I didn't think I was ready and because of the boy I was dating at the time, I didn't take the job.  If I had I would not have met Brian and there would be no Ruth or Grayson.  So in the end it worked out fine.  But it would be nice to have that position again someday.

Why am I telling you all this?  Because I struggle with wanting more than I have and wanting more at work.  I know the bible talks about women struggling with this issue due to Eve.  (Although I think the bible is referring to wanting more from a husband - Brian provides all I could want from him).  The battle between staying at home and only working part time is coming up more and more.  I guess God is telling me that I have to become content with the current situation.  This is my Goliath. (Ruth is in love with the story of David nd Goliath and has Daddy read it to her every day.  Brian said that in the past two weeks, he has heard a sermon, a Sunday school lesson, and a men's group focus all on this story. He feels like there is something he is not getting and that is why the story keeps coming up). 

So, how do I overcome my struggle with contentment?  Contentment with my kitchen, my yard, my job situation, my stay at home situation, my body image, and so on and so on.  The Sunday school (and true) answer is to lean on the Lord.  But what does that really look like?  What does practical life look life for Natalie Berry?  There are not questions I ask for you to provide answers.  But, as so many others and many of you, I write this blog as an online journal, one less book to find a spot for in my house.  I write to remember what the kids say and do and how I (hopefully) grow and develop as a person. 

So I will start small.  I am content with the progress and attitude and willingness to work of my students in ballet.  I couldn't ask for a better group of students this semester.  (And they don't even have this blog address!!!!)  I am content with our master bathroom and how Brian remodeled it.  I am content with our Acadia.  (although Ruth knows she shouldn't talk when I am backing out and pretends she runs into the house when riding Grayson's car).  I am content with my husband and children.

So looks like I have a little journey to take.  Songs from "The Wiz" and "The Wizard of Oz" flood my head.......